If love doesn’t include communication and respect then I don’t want it. I’d rather enjoy friendship than love. Everything in my life is perfect except I have no partner to enjoy it with. You’re too busy and you’re cold as ice. Oh but wait! You tell me that on vacations you're able to bond with me.. it's just that your work stresses you out, as if that's a reason to disconnect and treat me like a brick wall?" You give others what I want, your time and attention. You treat your employees with more respect and care than your own wife and kids. Yes, your kids feel it too. Can’t you see I’m starving over here! Do you even care? Why am I even telling you this, I simply don’t care anymore it’s too late. I fell out of love with you years ago..was I ever really in love with you? What the hell did I know at 19? That I wanted a 32 year old porn addict who wanted a girl not a woman? What the hell did YOU want with ME? Never mind, I know. Did you really ever love me? You act more like a controlling and possessive parent not an equal, a partner, or a friend.
So now what? Here we are living the dream. One of the few still married, like we deserve a gold star! But we live worse than roommates. We don’t sleep or snuggle together, we share a bed together. We don’t share our dreams and passions we simply tolerate one another. You act like you hate me and honestly I hate you. Do you enjoy this kind of life, no sex, no passion, no affection, no laughter, no dates, no fun, no depth or vulnerablilty. I can’t give you what I don’t have and you’ve killed anything I had to give years ago. It’s too late, the love that never was is gone and I don’t see it ever coming back. It’s hard to resist temptations that come along, and believe me I get them too. I know you do. Go for it. I honestly don't care. You don't have to delete all of your texts anymore. I'm giving you your freedom. Please allow me mine.
It’s hard to tell my deepest innate desires to shut up and die down just because I’m married to a dead man who provides nothing but financial security. It’s sad that I have to be strong enough to do that, to live like that. It’s sad that some day I will die never knowing what love is. I will die living most of my life trying to protect such a fragile insecure man’s ego. You can have women text you on our family vacations, but I can’t even have a male comment on my public Facebook page without being grilled and threatened with divorce? You might as well kill me. Actually, I think you already did. How did I choose this? What a waste of a beautiful life just so he can have a trophy on his wall. Her mother did try to warn her but she didn’t listen.
Random thoughts:
You are emotionally unavailable
Unable to emotionally attach to anyone
Emotional affairs are impossible for you
The thought of me having one upsets you not because you’re emotionally attached to me but because you are controlling and possessive
The thought of not being in control at all times scares you
Exposing your flaws scares you
Therapy will not work for you because you can’t expose your flaws but instead defend them defeating the whole purpose of therapy and growth.
Vulnerability is a prerequisite for love and without it there is no love
