TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BE FREE THINKERS

A thoughtful piece that’s truly worth the read

"Hi Unsure-mother. First off, though I am an atheist myself, I want to empathize a little: this must be difficult for you and your family. Your faith commitment is an important part of your life and it is bewildering to have your own child turn away from this. I don’t know exactly what you believe, but you might be worried about his soul in the next life, or his behavior in this one. If you don’t believe in God, how do you know right from wrong? If you reject God, how will you be reunited with Him in the next Kingdom?

The most important thing to understand is that these kinds of concerns, while very vivid and real to you, only make sense within a belief system your son no longer accepts. There is no sense in making threats of Hell or damnation anymore: atheists do not believe such a place exists. We don’t believe such a place could exist. The thing that is important to remember is that while we no longer believe that there are places beyond the world, the world he lives in has now become all the more important. That’s all we have. That’s all we ever have. His world is family, and school, and friends: all these things structure his life and he will need them more than ever. He needs you. He’s still a kid, and he’s a kid dealing with Really Big Questions in the only way he can: honestly and critically.

Most of us have come to this point honestly. This must be emphasized. We’re not angry at God, we’re not trying to get attention or going through some cultural phase. We looked at the arguments on both sides and came to the best conclusion we could. We only have 70 odd years on this planet. We make mistakes, too; we are fallible creatures prone to error and haste. We do our best. And sometimes our best is ‘well, I don’t think any of this is right.’ I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I don’t rightly know where the universe came from, or how life began at first. But I don’t need all the answers to know that some answers are the wrong ones. I don’t know, and I don’t think Christians, or Muslims, or Taoists know either. They claim to know; I claim to not know.

Suppose I’m wrong. Suppose your son is wrong. I’m standing outside the pearly gates and St. Peter, or God Himself, gives me one chance to explain myself. What would I say except “I’m sorry — I got it wrong. I really tried. But I got it wrong. I saw all the different religions, each saying different things, all changing over time. It seemed just a part of human culture, not ultimate truth. I saw unnecessary suffering and couldn’t make heads or tails of it, if you were good and all-powerful. It didn’t make sense to me to posit something existing to explain existence: that gets it backwards. I’m sorry, God, that I didn’t believe in you, but it wasn’t malicious — I just — I just screwed up.”

What would Jesus say to that? Would he send me to suffer forever? Do I deserve to be tortured eternally because I read Lucretius as a young man — the 2,000 year old Roman poet who professed his atheism before Christ ever walked desert sand? Because I looked at the ontological argument and found it wanting?

Or would he press me to Him and forgive me? And wouldn’t I desire that forgiveness?

If there is a God that would send me to Hell for making this mistake, I don’t want it in my life. Nothing justifies torture. Nothing at all. And He would not be worthy of worship–or even respect. If He is merciful, then I will apologize. If I am right–and he doesn’t exist–then I live my life as a free man.

And that is how atheists live: under actual freedom. The German philosopher Nietzsche wrote that ‘freedom is responsibility’ — genuine freedom. I am responsible for the consequences of my actions. So: how do I live? What do I do? Do I want to live in a society where everyone does what they can get away with? What standards do I hold myself up to? This is the essence of the atheist’s morality: his freedom, his rationality.

Before even Lucretius wrote his atheistic treatise De Rerum Natura, there was another man, Socrates, who asked a simple and startling question: Does God say something is Good because it is good, or is something good because God says it is? We must be careful here. If what is good is whatever God says is good, then we have no morality at all, but caprice. If God says: kill your son! it is good to kill your son. If God says: from henceforth, children shall be murdered — then it is good, by definition, that children be murdered. But that’s not morality. That’s authoritarianism. And if you say: “But God would never do that,” I ask: why? Because if there is a reason, then goodness is independent from God after all. It is grounded elsewhere. In what? Well: maybe in reason itself? Or maybe morality is just part of the universe — a different kind of part, not like your sofa or TV or the moon is part of the universe, but the way numbers, or relations (like ‘equal to’) — an abstract object, none less the real.

There is a very, very long tradition of ethical thinking that is, in fact, older than Christianity itself. In philosophy classes we teach wisdom that was recorded a millennium before Christ. If it is impossible to be good without God, there wouldn’t be one virtuous atheist. Yet there are millions of us non-religious men and women on the planet, and we live our lives, as best we can. Atheists don’t fill the newspapers with tales of carnage or debauchery — clearly we can figure it out on our own.

Well. Not quite on our own. We have each other. No one else — just each other. And that’s enough. So be there for your son."https://lifeafter40.net/2015/05/28/to-evangelical-parents-of-an-atheist-child/

COMFORT FOR THE DYING ATHEIST

Comfort for the dying Atheist

"As a physician I have seen my fair share of death and dying. Unlike the death scenes we see in movies death is often a prolonged and agonizing process. Could there be any stronger evidence for the lack of a loving or merciful God? Every hospital I've worked in, even the most secular of institutions, has a chaplain or other clergyman standing by to comfort the dying person and his or her family. These clergymen are almost invariably Christians who come to the deathbed armed with the purportedly priceless gifts of salvation and eternal life. Is it any wonder that the Church grows richer every year?  But what does the Atheist have to offer a colleague who is about to die? Perhaps more than one might think. 

1). A hand to hold. Not just any hand but a hand connected to a brain that thinks rationally. 

2). A reality check. Cognition and memory tend to fade in our final hours and the resulting confusion can be frightening. Remind your friend that ghosts, goblins, ghouls, devils, purgatory, hell, and other bizarre figments of religious mythology do not exist. Reassure your friend that Christian threats of eternal punishment are both primitive and absurd. 

3). Immortality. The Atheistic belief that we cease to exist at the moment of death is almost certainly true. But in the greater scheme of things we do, in a manner of speaking, have the opportunity to live on after death. If our ideas and actions have advanced humanity, even in a small way, then a part of us does live on. Remind your dying friend of this fact. 

4) Peace and tranquility Clergymen and evangelicals know that there is no better place to proselytize than the deathbed. But for the Atheist the same unwanted appeals to savage thinking that have always been annoying may be unbearable in the final hours. Screen visitors and politely but firmly insist, No, my friend does not want to hear about Jesus. 

5) Gratitude. The Atheist who gives to Atheistic, free thought, and other rational organizations has changed the world for the better.  Unlike the individual who leaves money to a Christian church in a misguided attempt to buy salvation, the Atheist expects nothing in return.  Thank the dying Atheist for this unselfish act and for helping to make the world a better place for future generations

What follows is by JK.

6). That future non-existence is no worse than the non-existence before birth. [This fact was argued by the Epicurean philosophers and is found inDe Rerum Natura by Lucretius.

7). That the atheist is unto himself true.  He doesn't have to suppress the obvious conclusions that as happened unto Fido and Polly, so to will happen to him.  Nor does he have to believe that a beneficent Jehovah created has created a world full of illness, poverty, and cruelty and allows it continue--or the absurd excuses such as he must test us to find out who is worthy of salvation. Nor does he have to fret that he will not be among the 144,000 blessed (as stated inRevelations) and thus eternally to endure hell fires. 

8).  That if perchance there is a god, we have a soul, and the god chooses among the soul which shall be blessed in the hereafter, it is far more likely that he will choose a rational, thinking person who comes to a reasoned conclusion about god and worship then some religious fool—the turning around of Pascal's Wager."

Letter to the Editor published in American Atheist, Nov. 2001, Bruce T. Flamm, MD, California .

*  David Hume, one of the 2 greatest English philosophers, recalled what transpired with the death of Voltaire:  a member of the clergy being present who said that Voltaire had underwent last rites.  (However, the Church must have known this to be a lie, for they would not allow Voltaire to be buried in church grounds). David Hume arranged before his death to have Boswell, the famed English chronicler and Hume's friend present, to prevent the same being said of him as was of Voltaire. A reading of Adam Smith's short account of his last day and his short autobiographical sketchreveals that he was far from frightened at the prospect of eternal non-existence. He writes of an inner calmness and relief as the end of his life approached." http://www.skeptically.org/ethicsutility/id7.html

ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCOPATH?

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? Here are 9 of the most common reasons:

1. Fear

The most compelling reason women stay in abusive relationships is because they are afraid. Abusers are all about control, and often when a women exerts control over her own life, the violence escalates. More than 70% of domestic violence injuries and murders happen after the victim has left the relationship.

An abuser might threaten to harm or even kill their partner if she tries to leave. Or he might threaten to harm family members, take the children away, or spread terrible rumors about his partner.

When a woman fears for her safety, the safety of her children or family, or her own reputation or livelihood, staying in the abusive relationship feels like the only alternative.

2. Concern for Children

Leaving an abusive relationship is much more difficult when children are involved. A woman might feel unable to support her children on her own, or she might fear for her children’s well-being and safety if she leaves.

She might experience guilt about taking her children away from their father or breaking up the family. Their may be threats by the abuser that he will turn the children against his partner if she leaves.

Also, he might get joint custody of the children, and she fears leaving them alone with him. Or she wants to serve as a buffer to protect her children from her abuser’s anger and violence.

3. Shame and Low Self-Esteem

If the abuse has gone on for some time, a woman’s self-esteem erodes to the point that she feels she deserves the abuse.

She might feel she isn’t good enough for someone who treats her kindly, with love and respect. Or she might be brainwashed by her partner to believe she can’t cope without him.

Some women feel the familiarity of abuse is better than the unknowns of life outside of the relationship. Things might be worse than they are with the abuser.

Related Post: The Narcissistic Personality Type

Feeling shame about the abuse is another reason women stay. They don’t want to expose the abuse and their own tolerance of it to friends and family by leaving their partner.

Are you living with an emotional abuser? Click here to get your free Emotional Abuse Test. Find out your personal score.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “peers, family members, and others in the community (e.g., coworkers, social service-providers, police, or clergy) minimize or ignore the abuse and fail to provide consequences.” Victims are often shamed or admonished about the relationship rather than offered help and support.

4. The Abuser Prevents Them From Leaving

An abusive partner can go to great extremes to control and isolate his victim. He might take her cellphone or car keys to keep her isolated at home.He might cut her off financially or keep her on a very tight budget.

Some abusers have prevented friends and family from contacting their partners or have even physically prevented a woman from leaving the house.

They use fear and intimidation to prevent their partner from taking any action that might lead to exposure of the abuse or the end of the relationship.

5. The Abuse Feels Normal

For some women, an abusive relationship feels normal. They assume all intimate relationships involve some form of physical or psychological violence.

They may have grown up in an abusive family and observed their father abusing their mother. Or a woman may have experienced worse trauma than physical or emotional violence growing up.

If a woman was raped or violated by her father, she might confuse this violence for some form of love or acceptance from this powerful figure in her life.

Children don’t have the mental or emotional skills to cope with the pain and mixed messages they receive in an abusive household. They carry this confusion into their adult lives and find themselves choosing partners who repeat the twisted dynamics of their childhood experiences.

6. Attachment To Their Partner

An abusive relationship can begin as a loving relationship. A woman might fall in love with a caring, kind man whose controlling and violent tendencies don’t show up until later in the relationship.

The abuser isn’t always a “bad” person who is completely evil. The abuser may have suffered abuse himself. He may have low self-esteem or have no idea how to manage his feelings of anger, shame, or confusion.

This doesn’t excuse the abuse, but it reveals how complicated this kind of relationship can be. A woman can love and fear her partner at the same time. She longs for the man she knew when she first met her partner and remembers how amazing he can be. Many victims cling to the positive qualities of their abuser rather than to focus on the abuse.

The abuser might show just enough of his “good” side that his partner holds out hope that he will finally change and realize how much she loves him. She knows a good man is underneath the violence and control.

Physically abusive relationships often follow cycles of violence followed by extreme remorse by the abuser, a period of happiness and calm, and then an escalation of the abuse again. Over time the cycle gets shorter, with fewer days of calm before the storm.

A victim might also have cultural or religious beliefs that prevent her from leaving the relationship. She might feel her extended family or religious community will shun or shame her if she leaves her abuser. Or she might have a disability that makes her feel completely dependent on her abusive partner.

Some women prefer the crumbs of intimacy, sex, and companionship of the abusive partner to the potential loneliness of being alone.

7. Feeling Responsible For Their Partner

An abuser often tries to make their victim feel responsible for the abuser’s happiness and well-being. They may use false flattery, guilt-trips, blame, and violence to force the victim to cater to them and remain in the relationship.

The abuser might threaten that they will lose their job, commit suicide, or lose their family if the victim leaves them, and therefore it will all be the victim’s fault.

Abusers often target sensitive, kind women, and they have learned how to manipulate these women emotionally in order to keep them tied to the relationship. The woman feels sorry for her abusive partner, even though he is making her life miserable.

The abusive partner might suggest that if the woman stays and tries harder to be “better,” then the abuse will stop. But nothing is ever quite good enough, no matter how hard she may try.

In some situations, the abuser is unable or unwilling to work and depends on the victim for financial support. The victim feels guilty tossing him out, believing he has no other means of support.

8. Financial Concerns

A woman may feel financially dependent on her abuser, especially if he controls her access to money and if he’s the main breadwinner in the family.

He might threaten to cut her and the children off completely if she ends the relationship, leaving her destitute and homeless.

If she isn’t able to work or perceives she doesn’t have the skills or ability to make money, the victim feels trapped and helpless. This is particularly true for women who don’t have family members or supportive friends available to help her make the transition out of the relationship.

With no place to live, no job opportunities on the horizon, and no access to bank accounts, the woman sees no other option but to stay with the abuser.

9. Post-Traumatic Stress

Victims of long-term abuse will sometimes psychologically detach from the trauma in order to cope and will develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress (PTSD).

According to Psychology Today, “Many others suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, one symptom of which is dissociation, which often creates such profound detachment from the reality of the abuse that sufferers scarcely remember being hurt at all. Dissociating victims can’t leave the abuse because they aren’t psychologically present enough to recall the pain of what happened.”

Anyone who has suffered from trauma — and abuse is trauma — will eventually develop symptoms of PTSD. These symptoms include:

• Trouble remembering key features of the traumatic event
• Negative thoughts about oneself or the world
• Distorted feelings like guilt or self-blame
• Loss of interest in enjoyable activities

These symptoms make the victim feel further isolated and alienated from friends and family members. PTSD also makes it much more difficult to see the abuse for what it is and to have the courage and emotional energy to leave the relationship.

Understanding the reasons why women remain in abusive relationships is the starting point for helping them reclaim their lives and dignity.

If you are a victim, knowing that you aren’t just “weak,” selfish, or deserving of this treatment can give you the determination and fortitude to seek help and leave your abuser.

If you know a victim, recognizing all of the contributing factors and difficulty involved in ending an bad relationship will help you offer the understanding and support the victim so desperately needs.

If you fear for your own safety or the safety of someone you know, please contact 911 or The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

DEAR CHRISTIAN, PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLE!

I didn’t grow up in a religious household but being born and brought up in a Christian culture, I learned the stories of Jesus, the cross, heaven and hell. I spent 2 years in a Catholic boarding school but never really took to religion. My religious experience started much later in life at a time when my whole world came crashing down.  This pain “drew me to god” to try and find answers.  It’s a proven fact that most people “find god” in the darkest times of their lives whether it’s a death/ loss of a loved one, time spent in prison, or when facing death themselves. Once I started studying the Bible I started to believe it was god causing all the pain and chaos in my life to "draw" me to him (therefore saw my pain and suffering as a blessing) and it wasn’t until I was well versed in the bible that I began to question the reality of this tribal god and all the stories written.

Christianity’s main message is all about embracing pain and suffering, self denial and total submission to it’s god. No wonder it draws the afflicted like a moth to light. The prosperous, and healthy may claim this god as their own but they’re usually the ones who don’t take the bible seriously or even know what’s written in it. These are the ones who go to church on Sunday, pay some tithes, pray here and there, and go about living their lives. But the afflicted and broken tend to seek out this god with all their mind heart and soul. These are the ones who end up knowing the bible through and through. These are the “good” christians who are the most dangerous to society. The “bad” christians who live for this life yet claim the christian god aren’t as extreme or dangerous but because they believe in this god it enables christianity to thrive and continue destroying the lives of many. 

Why do I “waste” my time exposing this mystical god so much? Because I know how it corrupts the minds and hearts of it’s believers. I know the pain it brings to their loved ones and the world as a whole. Religion is poison and destroys all that’s good in the world. Religion is outdated yet kept alive by the ignorant indoctrinated fools for the profit of evil rulers who are often times not believers at all but atheists. They use religion as a tool to enslave, subdue, and rob the masses. Some brave people begin to question things they’ve been taught at a young age and break free from the lies and deceptions. Others are too fearful and selfish to question things because truth is always uncomfortable at first. 

The religious often say self denial is the key to compassion and love for others. But I’ve learned through all of this that when you focus so much on denying SELF, it puts all your focus onSELF. When your life focus is on your own wretchedness, suffering, martyrdom and favor with the almighty; how the hell is your mind on compassion and empathy for the world around you? It's not.  Instead you assume you’re above the “infidels and heathens”. That’s why when religion is questioned and mocked the only responses are threats of damnation or false assumptions of ones soul and destiny after death. It’s all fearful ignorance based on the assumptions of man written on pages of a book.