I was reading a book called “The God Virus” and it helped me come to terms with WHY I got so deeply and dangerously involved in the Christian Cult. It explained what attracts the minds of people to certain religions and denominations. Evangelical Christianity is the most recent god virus of our time and one of the most deadly and severe. Very rigid thinking of black and white, right and wrong, with no grey areas. I believe my upbringing was lacking so many healthy boundaries and involved so much indifference towards things that should have mattered and when I finally had enough, this religious doctrine filled that void. It validated my thinking that some things really DO matter and some things ARE very bad which need to be exposed and condemned. I’m still very black and white in my thinking.
My dysfunctional family only had one written rule or boundary and that was NO exposing family secrets. No rebuking or holding people accountable. I still use the language of the god virus because that’s the only language I know to express the bullshit that I endured for so many years. Nobody ever told me it was okay to call evil things evil or hold people accountable for their wicked deeds. I didn’t know I could withhold forgiveness and reconciliation with unrepentant evildoers even if it was my own birth family!
The Christian doctrine is also helpful for those who are riddled with guilt and fear for their wrongdoings and abuse towards others. Really, the god virus is so cleaver to have every version available for every sick mind looking for a cure! These are the christians who share only the fluffy feel good bible verses showing a god of only love with no anger and wrath. These are the christians who I used to really hate. They obviously were so sick with guilt they had to reject half of the bible to believe in their own version of god. Why else is the bible so full of contradictions? It hooks people from every angle!
If it wasn’t for my crazy love for the Palestinians and my anger and disgust at the Christian world for their hatred against them just for being Arabs of the wrong religion, I might still be a Jesus freak. Sure it was nice to think I had my own personal savior who loved and watched over me as his own. But when I looked at the suffering of the world around me and the injustice done to the innocent in his name I can’t believe in or love such a worthless absentee “father” god. If he does exist he can prove himself but until then I have no faith in or interest in a god of indifference.
