Alcohol makes people do some stupid shit. I should know, I was an alcoholic for most of my life.
I did many other stupid shit while living the drunk life but I had friends, I had my family (mother and siblings) I had lots of Facebook friends and likes, I got invited to many parties, and from the outside my life looked good while inside I hated myself. Liquid courage is what booze is. It makes us fun, attractive, funny, loved, and socially acceptable. It’s a lie. It destroys lives and love. Yet it’s legal and even the most successful do it. Highly functioning alcoholics are all around us. Some of the most wealthy and successful people I knew were drunks. We got invited to many “important people” parties, some even millionaires’, and although they may have been above me in wealth education and careers, they were just like me in their addiction to alcohol. They all needed this liquid courage to survive. They were out of control.
I’ve been sober 5 years now. I have no friends, no mother father sisters or brother. But that’s my choice because I can no longer wear that mask. I suppose people don’t like the real me and I don’t like the fake them. I wouldn’t be able to remain sober and stay attached to my dysfunctional family. The reason I drank was because of them. The need to hide painful truths. The denial. The shame and guilt. Drinking made it possible to deal with it. Drinking made it possible to live a lie. Coming clean for me was more than giving up alcohol. It was facing the truth. My step monster was a sexual predator and my mother defended him because he was her security blanket. She chose him over me and the well being of her other children. They forgive her and continue to live in dysfunction and addiction in order to do so. I don’t know why I got so tired of wearing that mask but I did. I started to hate it more than the pain and consequences of taking it off.
For the first time in my life I am free to express the real me. Every day I’m learning who I really am. What i like and what I hate. I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling instead of drinking it down. I’m not afraid of what people will think. "If I can’t be me then let me be" is my new motto. I’d rather be real than a fake around a bunch of fakes. I have my children and my husband who support me and have their own memories of my dysfunctional family. Holidays are no longer full of drama and disappointments and hurt feelings. My children know they can be who they are and express their true feelings with us. And we love them for who they are, we admit our failures and faults, and we apologize when we are wrong. Something drunks and dysfunctional families never do. They prefer to blame, denial, diversion and scapegoating. Not me. No more. Never again.
Marijuana should be legal instead of alcohol. People don’t get out of control, abusive, dangerous, delusional, and derogatory on pot like they do booze. In fact, it does the opposite. Bob Marley said it best. “Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” I agree whole heartedly, the world would be a better place.
