FORGIVENESS... STOP SHOVING IT DOWN EVERYONE'S THROAT!

Written by “throwaway2001million”

“Forgiveness is unethical. Shut the fuck up and stop shoving it down everyone's throats Forgiveness is unethical and I'm sick and tired of seeing it pushed around by everyone as some holy untouchable panacea that would cure world hunger, cure cancer, bring Friends back, stop all wars and end all world ills. It's not; what it demands that people do is fucking horrible, everyone just accepts it as the right thing to do with no thought put toward it what-so-ever, and if you have the nerve to disagree with anyone about it you can be sure you will be ganged up on and yelled at.

The argument goes like this: there is lots of hatred and violence and war in the world. This is because people hold resentment against each other for past wrongs. People also hold resentment against other individuals for past wrongs. People who do this are wrong, because we are supposed to love everybody; because it's wrong to feel hate, resentment or anger toward anybody; and because it causes and perpetuates conflict. The only way to peace is for people who have these resentments to abandon their grievances, because doing so will end these conflicts. They must accept that we do not always get justice in this world, so what else are you going to do but forgive?

There's so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. Wait, I do -- this whole philosophy is based on the idea that the victim bears all the responsibility for a conflict and not whoever hurt them. I feel like it should be self-evident why this is wrong but so many people believe in this crap that I guess I'll have to break it down: victims are not responsible for conflicts, the assholes doing horrible shit to them are. See, we in the real world believe in this thing called "personal responsibility" which holds people responsible for their actions and the effects of those actions on innocent people. That means when you do something wrong to someone else, it is not their fault for being mad or hurt, it is your fault for doing that to them in the first place. Therefore the onus is on the person responsible, and the culture at large, to hold them accountable for their actions. That is what resolves conflicts and that is the very basis that almost every culture around the world is based on. It's why we even have legal systems in the first place. The reason that there is so much violence in the world is because of greedy douchebag countries that do horrible shit and are never held accountable for their actions.

Secondly the argument presumes that hatred, anger and other negative emotions are bad things. No they're freaking not. They're emotional responses partly biological in nature that are hard-wired into us to ensure our survival. That's like saying sexual arousal is bad. Like happiness, love and any other emotion they are part of our humanity and to demand that we give them up in the name of peace is essentially to ask us to give up our humanity. It's not even bad to hate or be angry at bad people who hurt us. They're not causes of great suffering, they are symptoms of great suffering and instead of getting at the root causes of what's triggering those responses we instead choose to treat the emotions themselves as problems and try to excise them, and that's just ineffective and wrong.

Nor is conflict an inherently bad thing, nor is getting rid of conflict the one way to a better world. Not everyone is on our side, we won't get along with everybody, there will be clashes and differences of opinion because we are so individual and varied. Conflict is bound to happen and isn't something to necessarily be shied away from. It's not a good thing to try to love everybody either, for those reasons and because you shouldn't have to like everybody, you shouldn't try to force yourself to be around other human beings who make your life miserable. You have the right to decide who you keep around and who you keep away, that's a crucial part of what autonomy is all about. You cannot stand up for yourself or have boundaries if you forgive because when you do so, you are acting on a grievance of some sort, which you can't do if you forgive because forgiveness is is dropping a grievance.

One of the most heinous things forgiveness does is put the burden of responsibility for a conflict, and the psychological effects of evil acts on a victim. Victims who refuse to forgive will be bullied; they'll be accused of being angry, vindictive, resentful, cruel, and often they will end up being the ones looking bad while whoever hurt them will look better. You can look for almost any post arguing against forgiveness on Reddit and see how they get downvoted, no matter how egregrious the action against the victim was or how clearly justified that victim's grievance is. It shouldn't be hard to see how an evil person could exploit that to smear everyone they harm and basically be able to get away with the things they do scot-free. Why bother being a decent person when you can accuse everyone you hurt of being unforgiving and then be able to act with impunity?

People who argue for forgiveness have an inherent cruelty and selfishness that shows in their arguments. Have you ever heard anyone argue that a victim is only hurting themselves by being angry or resentful? That someone else did something terrible and nothing will be done about it (implying that they themselves will not help the victim pursue justice and won't do anything to the accused), so their only option is to forgive? That's something a bully or, dare I say it, someone who did something evil to you would say to you if you called them out on their actions. That's just rubbing it in their faces. People who believe in forgiveness who do that are no better than the assholes who did something horrible to whoever they're arguing with in the first place.

It's not even the truth -- this is my own experience talking but there are plenty of other people who go through this shit, especially sexual assault victims: the only thing that often stops people from being able to pursue justice is being bullied into silence by fuckwits who demand that they just let it go. Forgiveness is inherently antithetical to justice, because the whole point of it is to just let shit go instead of making sure whoever hurt you has to deal with the law, or their employer/school, or whomever. It inherently protects the accused from accountability.

It's also intellectually and morally lazy. We do not simply stop the pursuit of justice because it appears difficult or impossible to get. We do not simply drop grievances or allow bad people to be around us if they get away with the horrible shit they do. The idea that a victim is responsible for an accuser's actions and their effects is only there because victims are easier targets than the accused; people who argue for forgiveness think that by going after the easier and weaker target that they can end a conflict faster. It should be obvious how horrible that is. We are supposed to be better than that. The idea that a victim should just conform to horrible circumstances like that is just not acceptable. At least it shouldn't be.

Forgiveness does so much harm to people at large, not even in terms of justice but in quality of life. Abuse victims will often keep very toxic people in their lives, subjecting themselves and those they love to continuing abuse and misery, because of this bullshit. And I think perhaps more importantly forgiving stops people from being able to truly move on from these sorts of things because of the fact that it keeps people in these situations and doesn't allow them the ability to simply tell these horrible people to go fuck themselves and leave. People who argue for forgiveness will say that forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Maybe not forgiving is something we ought to try to do for ourselves given how prevalent domestic violence is across the world.

We need to give universally accepted memes like forgiveness real rational thought, because people are dumb as hell.”

FORGIVENESS IS BULLSHIT

“Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to forgive and forget in order to move on with your life.

Forgiving and forgetting is actually kind of unrealistic. I’m expected to forget every bad thing that anyone has ever done to me? How would I ever learn any lessons on who to trust and what decisions are right and wrong? I wouldn’t. Life is about learning from people and from mistakes, not about forgetting and repeating the same ones constantly.

If I am asked about someone who is no longer in my life because of the bad things they have done to me then I have no problem telling the truth about my feelings- they were toxic, I dislike them and I don’t have a place for people like that in my heart or my life.

Some people may say that seems bitter or that I am still holding onto a grudge. So what if I am? That is my choice.

Holding a dislike for some people also doesn’t mean that I still dwell on what they’ve done to hurt me, it just means that their chances have ran out and I will not lie about my feelings for them. This goes for everyone, if I am asked about someone who I do really like then I will have no problem going on about how wonderful they are. I give my opinions whole heartedly every time, negative or positive. I’ve always been a very honest person, almost to a fault, so I will not sit and say that things are good with someone when they are not, just so it appears I don’t hold grudges. I’m not one for fake conversations or pretending to like someone who has mistreated me just to appear “nice.” Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about everything, including people, and should not be judged for them no matter what they are.



It is not about holding a deep grudge-it is about being authentic and strong enough to stand up for myself against people who don’t have a place in my life anymore.

It gives me more piece of mind knowing that these people will no longer be around me than it would to give them my bullshit forgiveness.

Some of the phrases most likely to make me instantly hulk out are “you need to forgive”, “let it go”, and “move on.” All of those piss me off, but “forgive” is the absolute worst. “Forgiveness” seems like such a nice, happy concept, so you’re probably wondering why I have such a deep and passionate loathing for that stupid fucking word. Let’s start with thedictionary.com definition so we can then throw it out the window:

forgive — vb , -gives , -giving , -gave , -given 1. to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something) 2. to grant pardon for (a mistake, wrongdoing, etc) 3. ( tr ) to free or pardon (someone) from penalty 4. ( tr ) to free from the obligation of (a debt, payment, etc)

Ceasing to blame or hold resentment against someone sure sounds like a nice idea. So does granting a pardon, or forgiving a debt. The problem is that when people say “you need to forgive” they don’t mean “I want you to be happy and being super pissed off about _ is not making you happy.” What they always seem to mean is “I’m uncomfortable with your anger. How about you shove it down until you choke on it?” Shockingly enough, I don’t respond terribly well to being told that I don’t even get to have my own goddamn feelings about all the terrible shit that’s happened to me, or that my completely justified rage is less important than some random fuckface’s comfort.

People also seem to have this idea that once you’ve “forgiven” someone, whatever happened magically becomes okay and everyone acts like it never happened. Fuck that noise. Nothing is ever going to make what happened to me “okay.” No empty fucking platitude is going to give me a happy childhood or a mother who loved me (why yes, there is a post coming about kink and childhood abuse), and I’m not going to pretend otherwise for anyone else’s convenience.

To make things right, much more than one-sided “forgiveness” (read, swallowing my emotions so that no one else has to think about what happened) is necessary. Real forgiveness is earned with honest acknowledgement of wrongdoing and sincere, ongoing, and above all successful efforts to make amends. If you promise something will never happen again and it does, guess what? You don’t fucking deserve to be forgiven. Not that people have to be perfect to make amends, but they have to fucking try. Without any efforts from the people who hurt me to make things right, it is literally impossible for me to “forgive.”

In all the time I’ve spent thinking about forgiveness or letting go or moving on, I’ve read precisely one article that has anything remotely useful to say about forgiveness. To paraphrase fairly heavily, that article says there are three steps to take before you can forgive:

1. Acknowledge the harm done.

2. Feel your feelings about it.

3. Talk about it.

The standard “forgiveness” bullshit allows me to do precisely zero of those things. Instead, it tells me that I should just stop being angry, as if I can flip my emotions on and off like a fucking light switch, that I don’t have the right to feel inconvenient feelings about it, and that I shouldn’t talk about it. Funny how all those things do much more good for my abuser than they do for me.

I’ve tried not acknowledging the harm that’s been done to me, and it’s fucking exhausting to pretend things are okay when they are most certainly not. I’ve tried not feeling my feelings too. Trying to swallow my anger just made it worse, to get anywhere I had to decide I had the right to be angry and that I was damned well going to keep being angry until I was good and done. I still hate talking about it, but keeping it a secret is just one more way to pretend it never happened.

Fuck forgiveness, fuck the idea that I don’t have the right to be angry, and especially fuck the idea that other people’s convenience is more important than my well being.

If you want to actually help someone who had been hurt to move on, strike the word “forgive” from your vocabulary. Instead, say “What happened to you was terrible”, “You have a right to be angry”, “Do you want to talk about it?”, and “Is there anything I can do to help?”

If you can’t manage that, then at the very least be honest about what you really mean if you feel the need to spout some bullshit about how they need to let go. Admit that you don’t give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about their happiness and that all you want is for them to shut up about how they were hurt so you can go back to pretending nothing is wrong. And then admit that you’re a worthless sack of shit.”

https://www.notjustbitchy.com/fuck-forgiveness/

Below is written by SometimesMagical and Diane Roshelle

“According to Dictionary.com, forgiveness is:

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

to grant pardon to (a person).

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies.

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

The definition and connotation of forgiveness is all about the other person—the person who wronged you—and setting them free, absolving them, letting them off the hook, ceasing to feel anger (or bitterness or whatever the new demonized emotion is) towards that person.

I’m here to cry bullshit on the whole charade.

Forgiveness isn’t necessary for healing.

Forgiveness is not necessary to “move on.”

It’s not even necessary in order to feel compassion or love for someone.

It’s not necessarily healthy.

In fact, more often than not, in the instances when forgiveness is prescribed (severe betrayal, severe hurt/abuse, severe tragedy, severe trauma), it’s actually harmful to the person needing to heal. There’s a reason why anger is listed as one of the main steps in grief—it’s important! Getting angry, feeling sad, holding someone else accountable, they’re all part of “moving on.”

What does a statement like “you just need to forgive” do? It heaps more guilt on the person who is experiencing those emotions—those necessary emotions—by making them feel like they’re wrong or unhealthy or weak for experiencing them. In other words, it’s blaming the victim, encouraging them to ignore their own needs and cater to another person’s desires.

It denies the mind’s natural way of healing itself.

You don’t get past the anger by suppressing it. You don’t move through grief by denying it. The only way to get through those difficult aspects of healing is by claiming the right to feel them.

And the only reason why forgiveness sounds so “positive” to us is because we have this fucking stigma about the shadow emotions being “negative” (which I discussed briefly here). We as a society don’t know how to handle those intense emotions, so we distance ourselves from them. And when someone else is experiencing them, we prescribe “forgiveness” as the fix-all that allows us to sound helpful without actually doing anything to help. If we move past the idea that shadow emotions are negative, suddenly the need to forgive by letting go of those emotions is non-existent, along with the need to distance ourselves from those emotions.

Does forgiveness ever have a place?

Maybe.

I’m an open-minded person and willing to consider that forgiveness really does have a legitimate purpose somewhere buried underneath all the bullshit–that it can potentially be a healthy  byproduct of healing in some circumstances. But I’d be more than willing to bet that, in those instances, the forgiveness happens fairly naturally.

In the instances where the hurt is bigger and the problems larger, i.e. whenever forgiveness takes up focus, it should be up to the individual to decide if that is something they need or even want.  It should be up to the individual to decide if the relationship is worth the work of restoration or if it’s safe to continue with that relationship. Moreover, it shouldn’t ever be the goal. Healing should be the goal, whether or not it includes forgiveness.

And without a genuine apology for the pain and damage caused and change to avoid repeating it, I don’t think forgiveness is either possible or healthy. Healing comes in those instances by learning to set boundaries, take a stand for your own needs, and hold the other person culpable for their actions, not by giving a blank check to someone who repeatedly hurts you.

I think it’s high time we forgive ourselves this absurd expectation that we should always forgive. It’s time to allow ourselves to recognize that healing isn’t about forgiving the other person; it’s about listening to ourselves..”

https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/forgiveness-is-bullshit/

Written by SometimesMagical and Diane Roshelle

“I started talking about my childhood sexual abuse when I was in my early twenties. I only told a few people that it was my father who abused me, but there was a common response: “Have you forgiven him?” I was from in a religious environment where forgiveness was mandatory. I was afraid not to forgive.

The abuse kept me living in fear— I was afraid of many, many things, but at the top of the list was the fear of abandonment. If I didn’t forgive, I would be disapproved of and rejected by my Christian friends, and more importantly, by God. Unless I wanted to spend eternity cast from God’s presence, I had to forgive. Unforgiveness was, after all, far worse than anything that was done to me. To refuse to forgive made me worse than my abuser. Or so I was taught.

I also thought forgiveness was synonymous with, “Pretend like it never happened.” In my definition of forgiveness, my dad didn’t have to suffer any consequences, I was supposed to stop talking about the abuse or if I talked about it, I couldn’t mention my dad. That would be “uncovering” him. Forgiveness also meant that I shouldn’t feel any negative emotions toward my dad and that our relationship would carry on as it had.

Even without the religious pressure, I wasn’t interested in breaking off my relationship with my father. I didn’t consider it as a possibility. I was just as afraid of being abandoned by him as I was by everyone else.

Through the guise of forgiveness, I stuffed my feelings and stuck a nice big smile on my face. I was supposed to put the past behind me when I forgave, so I denied my feelings. Forgiveness was supposed to be the path to healing, so I acted healed. I buried my anger somewhere deep, somewhere I hoped I would never find it.

The anger didn’t disappear. It was buried, but it was buried alive. It scratched and clawed and cried out. Its voice demanded attention, so I gave it expression through abusive acts toward myself. I continued my own abuse through all kinds of destructive behavior including dangerous sexual activity, over-working and abusive relationships.

Eventually, I wasn’t only hurting myself, but others. I thought the anger would shield me from the type of things I suffered as a kid. It was the illusion of being in control and more powerful. When I vented my anger, I felt bigger than I was. I secretly smiled inside when I recognized that people were intimidated by me. If I inspired fear, maybe they wouldn’t see how afraid I was. But it didn’t protect me. I kept getting hurt in the same way again and again.

I wasn’t happy. Anger was a mask I wore, but it wasn’t the real me. I wanted to feel real and let myself be the gentle, nurturing person I knew I really was.

To finally get rid of the anger that was pushing me, I had to take it out and deal with it. I had to face its source and look at all the pain associated with it. I had to recognize that the true target of my anger was my parents, not me. By then, I realized I was just as angry with my mother for protecting my dad, maybe even more so.

Also by then, my parents escalated in their abusive treatment. I refused to continue the sick patterns and, after setting boundaries they refused to honor, we parted company.

I had a new definition of forgiveness which didn’t include reconciliation, but in my heart, forgiveness represented a threat. Someone suggested that I forgive my parents and I reacted as though that person was locking me in a cage with a hairy beast with long claws, razor teeth and glowing, yellow eyes. In my mind, forgiveness would disarm me and leave me vulnerable to more abuse. I couldn’t be pressured into forgiveness or anything else related to a type of performance or measuring up. My forgiveness facade was blown and I didn’t care. I had to continue to sort out my feelings instead of covering them up.

I continued to write and talk about my anger, fear and pain. One day, after months and months of processing, I woke up and actually wanted to forgive my mom and dad. I was shocked. The day before, I hadn’t felt anywhere near being able to forgive. Suddenly, I was prepared to drop of the baggage of offense. I no longer wanted the responsibility of trying to control what they deserved.

Once I made that decision, I felt lighter, freer. I wouldn’t have believed how much of a difference it made.

Forgiveness didn’t mean the end of my pain. Actually, once I forgave them, I felt the most intense pain of my journey so far. Forgiveness opened my heart to remembering the good things about them and viewing them in a more balanced way. In my anger and hatred, I only saw them as evil people without any redeeming qualities. Since nobody is all good or all bad, that was one of the lies I used to try to protect myself. Once I admitted to myself that my parents actually do have good qualities, I started missing them and the pain of abandonment and rejection engulfed me. This is a journey of finding the truth, so even though the truth brought pain, I welcomed it since it also brings healing.

I’ve worked through that pain now. I don’t feel tied to the abuse like I used to. I always had the knowledge that I was stronger than the abuse, but the forgiveness process left me actually feeling stronger than it.

I still don’t have a relationship with my parents and I don’t ever intend to. Even over the relational and physical distance, they continue their abuse. Occasionally, more things from the past come to light and I’m challenged to sort out my feelings in that regard. My forgiveness has been a layered process. I don’t consider my parents much at all anymore, either with pain or longing. In many ways, they are a distant memory and are becoming more so over time as I continue to face my past. I’ll never forget what they did or failed to do, but there isn’t pain attached to the memories that I’ve worked through.

I don’t have gushy feelings toward them, but I also don’t have the desire for revenge. I divorced myself from the need to control their fate or determine what they deserve. That’s what I think forgiveness really is.

I don’t think those people who tried to sell me forgiveness were trying to hurt me. I’m sure they were only trying to help and were speaking from their own fears. They may not have intended harm, but it was harmful. Forgiveness is a personal issue and one of the most sensitive in dealing with abuse. Forgiving my parents was one product of my healing, not the means to it.” Christina Enevoldsen

http://emergingfrombroken.com/forgive-the-abusers-a-bit-of-a-rant/



“Less than 24 hours after reading the stories promoting incest that my father Hank had spent the last three years writing and posting to the internet, I got stuck on the rock of forgiveness.

I’d swallowed the pop culture definition, in which my future happiness and security depended upon extending forgiveness to the man who’d molested me as a kid. Hank the Blank, the same man who then, thirty years later, attracted thousands of fans with stories in which young boys were always eager participants in acts that made my skin crawl to read.

If I wanted to be a wise, sober, evolved person, I must forgive. If I wanted liberation from suffering. If I wanted to be a good man.

I went there immediately. I went there first. And it felt fucking horrible.

Then I read Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery, and I came to this passage:

Some survivors attempt to bypass their outrage altogether through a fantasy of forgiveness. This fantasy, like its polar opposite (revenge), is an attempt at empowerment. The survivor imagines that she can transcend her rage and erase the impact of the trauma through a willed, defiant act of love. But it is not possible to exorcise the trauma, through either hatred or love. Like revenge, the fantasy of forgiveness often becomes a cruel torture, because it remains out of reach for most ordinary human beings. True forgiveness cannot be granted until the perpetrator has sought and earned it through confession, repentance, and restitution.

It was only when I read that passage that I felt something like liberation. That I got unstuck. For 31 years I’d tried to be a good boy. I’d crammed 98 percent of my feelings into the farthest darkest corners of myself.

I honestly couldn’t answer Ground Control when he’d ask me what I felt about something. Here I was, the “sensitive” kid, the “sweet” man, and I had no fucking clue what I felt.

“I know depressed,” I told him.

“That’s not a feeling,” he said.

Shit, I thought. I had 31 years of feelings to vent. 31 fucking years. I better start now.

I once remarked to the Manly Fireplug that I had a lifelong attraction to bad boys. Friends or lovers, it didn’t matter. I liked the boys who could tell the world to fuck off.

“That’s cause you’re a bad boy,” he said. It was one of those ah-ha moments. But that was a few years ago, and I stayed stuck on the rock.

After I found Hank’s stories and lost my mind, after I bought a knife for self-protection and positioned myself so that nobody, nowhere, was behind me, so that I could watch everyone and suss out their motives, after I tore Hank the Blank a new one over the phone, after I came home from work every night drenched in my own sweat, after all of that, I gave myself permission to be angry, petty, sullen, and stubborn. I dropped reasonable, diplomatic, and forgiving. I wouldn’t torture myself in the pursuit of “fairness.”

I told myself that if I fucking wanted to say fuck on Dogpoet, I’d fucking do it.

Sometimes a well-meaning person tells me I need to forgive. That it’s the key to my happiness. And sometimes it feels like a cobweb on my face that I just brush off. And sometimes it feels like control, like Hank the Blank himself is imposing his will, trying to bend me to his own fucked-up purpose, and I can’t get away from that person fast enough.

Look, I get it. We don’t want to see people we like suffering. We want to imagine that there could be a tidy resolution to pain, and we gently push our loved ones in that direction.

But there’s nothing tidy about child abuse. There will never be a day in my life that I won’t be affected by it. It’s fucking family. It’s primal. It’s everything. It cuts deeper than anything else, working its way into our marrow. We don’t “walk away” from it. We can’t.

I tried the tidy resolutions and the peremptory forgiveness. I tried whiskey, and meth, and Manhunt, and Playstation, and shoes, and gardening. I got snatches of songs stuck in my head every waking moment for over a year because I couldn’t handle hearing my own thoughts. That way doesn’t work. That way ends with the razor and the gun and the rope.

Look, Hank the Blank isn’t contrite. He doesn’t get it. “It was only an hour of your life,” he told me. Four months ago he made me a promise that he’d seek therapy. I knew it was empty, and I was proven right. Hank the Blank doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

That doesn’t mean that I’ll lug his crap around forever. Four months later I feel less burdened, not more so, because I cut ties with him and decided not to forgive. I’ll feel what I need to feel, once I figure out what a feeling is. I’ll save my love for the people who deserve it.”

http://www.dogpoet.com/blog/?p=41

DOTTIE SANDUSKY

“I think it's time. Time we euthanize this old bag before she spreads anymore stupidity to an already delusional fan base. Time to take her out behind the barn and put her to rest. I wish the world was flat, so we could set this bitch on fire and launch her right off the side of it. Usually I say things like this is jest. When I say Dottie Sandusky is not capable of being in society anymore I say it sternly.

What's lost in the multitude of crimes committed by Jerry is the role his wife played in them. She is as guilty as he is for affecting the lives of countless children forever. I would even say more so than Joe Paterno. Dottie is a battered wife. Not in the traditional sense. She is much like women who put up with spousal abuse and return to the perpetrator for a variety of reasons. Simply because she wanted to believe he could change, or didn't believe he was capable of such heinous acts, she let child abuse happen in her home for years. She stood idly by and enabled Jerry. Only her lack of action didn't affect her well being, it affected the well being of innocent kids. Kids who may very well suffer from distress pertaining to these crimes for the rest of their lives. She is the very definition of an accessory to a crime.

There is no debating that Jerry is the biggest criminal in this whole scandal. He is not mentally stable. The ability to touch children without regret is one that is definitive of having a sickness. It's not only for past crimes, but for his ability to commit future crimes that he will likely die in a prison cell. I would argue his wife has a very similar sickness. For her to not have the moral fiber to stand against one of most disturbing crimes that can be committed is deplorable. She should not be allowed to live amongst us and have basic choices between right and wrong. She has proven herself unworthy.



When I read the above quote where she says "I didn't know whether to laugh or cry" I felt actual rage. Her inability to see the truth, or her ability to ignore the truth, in the face of 45 convicted acts of sexual abuse is mind numbing. It's not cute. It's not loyalty. 'For richer or poorer' went out the window a long time ago. These two haven't been in good health for decades. There's no reason for anyone to lie. Jerry Sandusky is as guilty as anyone who has ever been guilty of anything. It's not a question of 'if', it's a question of how often and to what extent. Dottie Sandusky's ability to laugh in the face of one of the most egregious sex scandals in history makes her just as guilty as her other half, who now spends his days rotting behind bars. The only thing that is at all laughable in this op-ed is when she says she has a "moral responsibility to set the record straight". She is as bankrupt morally as someone could possibly be.”

http://www.unsportsmanlike-conduct.com/blog/dottie-sandusky-is-as-guilty-as-jerry-and-she-proves-it-every-time-she-opens-her-mouth

NO FORGIVENESS FOR THE UNREPENTANT

NO FORGIVENESS FOR THE UNREPENTANT
By Renee Pittelli
 
            "Have you ever had it happen that when you rebuked an abuser, not only did she refuse to apologize, repent, or change her hurtful behavior, but she then proceeded to smugly inform you that “God forgives her” because “God forgives everything”, and that the Bible says that you have to forgive her, too?  I have,  more than once.

            And all I can say to that is, “Nice try.”  Because it’s just not true.  Biblical forgiveness doesn’t work that way.   Not even close.  God forgives everybody who REPENTS, not everybody who doesn’t repent, and continues sinning.  Repentance means turning from one’s sinful ways and changing one’s LIFE.  It does not mean continuing on as before, and it also does not mean stopping just one or two obnoxious behaviors while continuing all the rest, or even finding some new ones.  It might surprise such self-righteous offenders to learn that God does NOT forgive “everybody”, and that he does NOT tell us to, either.  In fact, there is NOT ONE INSTANCE in Scripture of the Lord forgiving anyone who remains “stiff-necked” (stubborn) and unrepentant.

            Before one starts quoting the Bible, it might be a good idea to actually READ IT first.  When ungodly people state that God’s Word says something that justifies or facilitates their wickedness,  I  just love to hand them a Bible and ask them to show me exactly where it says that.  Usually, they get all flustered, angry, or embarrassed, and quickly change the subject or storm off in a huff.  If, by some remote chance, they can actually find the Scripture they’re referring to (and conveniently misinterpreting), then we can read it in context and explore it together- but that hasn’t happened to me yet!

            Those who know the Lord and study his Word know that he has such a heart of love for the downtrodden and the broken-hearted, and that he desires us to be free of every kind of bondage.  God’s Word is infallible, and God does not play mean little tricks on abuse victims.  He NEVER says anything that would make it easier for a sinner to keep on sinning or an abuser to keep on abusing.  To even suggest otherwise is to reveal a profound ignorance of God’s divine nature.

            Biblically speaking, NO ONE gets forgiven without changing his ways and turning to God and godliness.  The New Testament includes an additional requirement for meriting forgiveness- accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Savior (and no one who has genuinely done that can continue abusing others).  Abusers would just love an excuse to obligate us to forgive them without the slightest effort to make amends, commitment to change, or anything expected of them at all.   It’s the Abuser’s Dream Gig- to be able to commit one evil deed after another with impunity, and then pervert the Word of God by claiming that others have to repeatedly and unconditionally forgive her.  This is utter nonsense. 

            BE NOT DECEIVED; GOD IS NOT MOCKED: FOR WHATSOEVER A MAN SOWETH, THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP….Galatians 6:7.  The Bible is not an excuse for abusive people to have a field day without ever suffering any consequences.  Distorting the Word of God to get away with evil is an indication of the demonic nature of such people, not of their innocence and good intentions.  Ask any deliverance minister and you will learn that twisting God’s Word to facilitate evil is one of the most common tactics used by demons.

            Abusers by definition wouldn’t have the slightest idea what the Bible REALLY says about forgiveness, or anything else.  It’s not like they spend a lot of time studying God’s Word and applying it to their lives. They’re just repeating something they heard somewhere along the line, and twisting it to suit their own purposes.  They’re using what they imagine Scripture says to pressure us and guilt us into forgiving them when they have done nothing whatsoever to deserve our forgiveness.

            Some abusers like to call themselves Christians, because it enables them to get away with abusive behavior more frequently without being challenged or confronted.  These people might actually be familiar with Scripture, and then use it, twist it, and take it out of context to justify their behavior and attempt to deceive us into forgiving them when no forgiveness is warranted.  But talk is cheap.  We need to study the Bible concerning this, and pray for the discernment and wisdom to distinguish between  REAL Christians and  PRETEND Christians- those who are conveniently “Christian”  only when it suits them.  One big clue is that REAL Christians ACT LIKE real Christians.  This means they do NOT mistreat other people.

            The Bible does in fact tell us that we should forgive as the Lord forgave us (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32).    But there are requirements for forgiveness.  If we read in more depth and in context about God forgiving us, including the hows, whys and under what circumstances, we will see that he only forgives us when we come to him in the spirit of remorse, change our lives through his Son, ask for forgiveness, and repent (CHANGE).  So if we are to forgive others as God forgives us, then we are to forgive them AFTER they have shown genuine remorse by the grace of Jesus’ cleansing blood, and AFTER they have repented (CHANGED), NOT BEFORE.  That is the formula for forgiveness which God models for us, and that is the formula which he instructs us to follow.   



            Other Scriptural examples of the Lord forgiving us IF AND WHEN WE REPENT are written in Ezekiel 33:10-20, Isaiah 55:6-7, Jeremiah 6:16-30 & 26:3, Luke 13:3 & 5, Acts 3:19.  These are just a few of the examples we can study that will educate us about God’s prerequisites and requirements for forgiveness.

            We are not to cheapen the gift of forgiveness by giving it prematurely or undeservedly, to those who demand it and act as if they are entitled to it, and yet have done nothing to merit it.  The Lord’s higher purpose is to change men’s hearts and make them turn from evil, give up their wicked ways, and choose to follow HIM instead of Satan.  He does that by requiring repentance before forgiveness, not by giving evildoers a free ride. 

            In Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us very clearly that we are to forgive someone who sins against us  IF he repents.   He does NOT tell us to forgive everyone, including those who have  absolutely no remorse and fully intend to continue abusing others and behaving badly.  That would be preposterous and contradictory.  God does not do nonsensical things that do not serve his ultimate purpose of bringing all men into his grace and his presence. 

          When an abuser refuses to change his ways, stop abusing, and start doing good, we are unable to grant him forgiveness. When we cannot forgive him because of his intention to continue repeating his wickedness, then God does not forgive him, either. AGAIN JESUS SAID, “PEACE BE WITH YOU! AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, I AM SENDING YOU.” AND WITH THAT HE BREATHED ON THEM AND SAID, “RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT. IF YOU FORGIVE ANYONE HIS SINS, THEY ARE FORGIVEN; IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE THEM, THEY ARE NOT FORGIVEN”….John 20: 21-22 NIV.                




         God does not want us to continue to be abused.  And he does not want us to allow abusers to continue their abuse with no consequences.  In fact, we are told numerous times to shun evildoers ( some of these Scriptures are:  Proverbs 22:10, Proverbs 22: 24, Proverbs 23:9, Proverbs 24: 25, Proverbs 25: 4-5, Proverbs 24:24, Proverbs 26:24-26, Psalm 37:9, Psalm 119:115, Proverbs 19:19, Matthew 18: 15-17, Titus 3:10-11, and 1 Corinthians 5:11).  Look up “rebuke” in a large Concordance, and you will also find dozens of references (see the section onRebuking on our site).



          The Bible teaches that all evil behavior has consequences.  The only way to come into a state of grace is to give up sinfulness and walk in the ways of the Lord, in love for others.  Abusers by nature could not care less about coming closer to God, and usually need some extra incentive to straighten up and fly right.  That incentive is often some kind of social censure, which may, for a particular individual, include our refusal to forgive him until and if he has earned it. 

            There are times that God will use us in this way to bring a person into repentance and to him. By forgiving unremorseful evildoers, we are not helping them and we are not serving God’s purposes.  We are depriving them of the opportunity to repent and transform their lives, to truly accept Jesus as their Savior so their sins can be washed away, and to walk forever with our Father.   By interfering with God’s Law of Sowing and Reaping, we are preventing God’s purpose from being fulfilled in that individual’s life. 

            The Lord requires that we do our part in bringing others to repentance.  SON OF MAN, I HAVE MADE YOU A WATCHMAN FOR THE HOUSE OF ISRAEL; SO HEAR THE WORD I SPEAK AND GIVE THEM WARNING FROM ME.  WHEN I SAY TO THE WICKED, “O WICKED MAN, YOU WILL SURELY DIE,” AND YOU DO NOT SPEAK OUT TO DISSUADE HIM FROM HIS WAYS, THAT WICKED MAN WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, AND I WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS BLOOD. BUT IF YOU DO WARN THE WICKED MAN TO TURN FROM HIS WAYS AND HE DOES NOT DO SO, HE WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, BUT YOU WILL HAVE SAVED YOURSELF.”…Ezekiel 33:7-9.

 

 

            So despite attempts by ungodly people to mislead, deceive or pressure us, we need to stand firm in the knowledge that the Lord does notforgive those who are 'stiff-necked' , refuse to repent, and intend to continue in their sinful ways, and he does not expect us to, either.  There is no such thing as unconditional forgiveness.  There are CONDITIONS on receiving forgiveness, there is a REASON for those conditions, and the conditions are repentance and turning from one’s evil ways.   Forgiveness is not to be given just because someone simply demands it, or insists he is entitled to it.  It is only to be offered to those who are truly worthy of it."
.

"I’ve said many times that I think we should shun repeat abusers–especially narcissists. Even if someone doesn’t hurt me, if I know they hurt others, I don’t want to encourage them. I want to avoid them! Furthermore, when onlookers stay silent about abuse, the narcissist believes that means they condone or even support his or her behavior. People who remain apathetic–who just don’t care about what the abuser does to hurt others–are the narcissist’s best friends. They enable the narc and encourage the abuse to continue simply by doing nothing.

I once stated my theory publicly to some mutual acquaintances I shared with the narcopath. I said that abuse continues because society lets it. People willingly let narcissists go about preying on others because they don’t want to speak out or get involved. When I said that, one of narcopath’s enablers huffily said that it was childish to shun people based on what relationship they had with another person. She said that she didn’t care what narcopath had done to others, and that mature adults only judge people by what that person does with them. Well, superficially narcopath has put on a charming face with that person, so she thinks he’s just fine. But with me, and many others, he is violent and exploitative. That reality doesn’t change just because he puts on an act sometimes. If narcissistic abusers were shunned for their behavior, they might actually have some reason to change it since they depend on others for supply!

In normal situations with normal people, it is reasonable to judge a person by their interaction with you. Maybe Suzy doesn’t get along with Paula because of a difference in personalities, but that doesn’t mean Suzy is a bad person. If you and Suzy get along well, that’s great! But with narcissists and sociopaths, they are dangerous, predatory people through and through. You can’t say that they just have differences with others because they are so cruel and manipulative, they are willing to exploit anyone and everyone. Would we befriend a kidnapper simply because they didn’t hurt us? No way! If a predator does that kind of damage to someone, we are horrified and we avoid them. But when a narcissist tears someone apart emotionally, they get away with it.

Predators are often very interesting and charming. My ex narcopath is below average for looks, but has no problem grooming and hooking hundreds of women with his false personality. There are many people who think he’s fun to be around. There are many other people who are picking up the pieces of their lives after he’s been through like a sledgehammer. Does the fact that he can be fun with some people mean that those people should ignore what he does to his victims? Would you be friends or stay friendly with someone who is a lot of fun for you, but hurts those close to them? Morally, I couldn’t do that, but apathetic people in society do it every day. They choose not to get involved, or they choose to ignore abuse that doesn’t affect them, but in reality, they are giving the abuser the green light to hurt more people. When it comes to abuse, silence is approval." ~Author Unknown

"I have a choice about what I accept and what I don’t accept and what I accept or don’t accept is based on the fact that today I know what love is and I know what love isn’t and it isn’t compliance and obedience to dysfunctional rules. Choosing love meant that I chose to reject anything less than love. When I chose love, I chose life, I chose truth and I chose ME. 

When a parent denies their child a voice, blames the child for any traumatic events they experienced growing up while still denying that there even were any traumatic events, and continues to paint that child as “a problem”, “unforgiving”, or any other negative blaming descriptive phrases, ~ There IS NO real relationship between that child and their parents. There IS no love lost when there was no love in the first place.

So when someone approaches me with judgment for the decisions that I have made or for my work here in Emerging from Broken, I consider where they are coming from. This judgment ultimately is about them, I mean think about it; why would someone argue that abuse from parents is ‘not abuse’ because it is an action delivered by a parent, or that parents have special rights just because they are parents? Why would  people react with anger or judgment towards someone who expresses freedom from walking away from abusive people just because those abusive people were their parents?  What could possibly be the motivation behind sticking up for abuse and abusers? When I understood the truth about the answer to that question, I no longer felt defensive about my actions. I was able to let go of the need to defend my choices when I realized that the way people react to my choices is about them and not about me; people who have had loving parents do not defend abusive parents.

Not everyone is ready to face the truth about their own past."

~Darlene Ouimet

"I look with such a mix of emotions at a phenomena that we see here and in the Narc Business all too often. That is, those commenters who criticize and judge us for being "too harsh," "not humble," and (this one really gets me!) "not compassionate" in our posts about the wicked who do great harm to the innocent. Or, God forbid, for having a giggle or two at their expense. Here we deal with child abusers, adult abusers, liars, child rapists, psychopaths, slanderers, thieves, reputation-ruiners, backstabbers, traitors, the violent, and other malicious, cunning, scheming and dangerous troublemakers. Who in their right mind would actually suggest we should show compassion for them? And yet you do not show a shred of compassion for their victims? We are talking about the evil, the children and minions of Satan. And yet, not a word of judgment, criticism or condemnation for THEM! What the heck? You only have judgment, criticism and condemnation for the righteous who stand up against the wicked? We don't present our thoughts and feelings in a way that sufficiently pussy-foots about the issue so your delicate sensibilities are not made to feel uncomfortable? Oh, waa, waa. Grow up. If the way we talk about abusers bothers you so much, then you do not belong on this page, because surely the abuse itself, the suffering and pain and ruined lives of the innocent, must upset you far more than anything we say about it. No, it doesn't? Why not? That is not normal.

If you think we are not being "Christlike" by being "harsh” with the wicked, then you do not know Christ or the Gospels. If you think righteous anger is wrong or "unChristian", then you do not know Jesus or how he behaved in similar circumstances. If you think we are supposed to overlook and forgive every degenerate evil deed without expecting any repentance (change in behavior) and just allow it to continue while staying silent, then you do not know the Bible at all. If you think walking away from an abuser and going No Contact with him is "unbiblical" and wrong and means we are hurting him and taking revenge, you are 100% WRONG. By staying away from the children of Satan, we are not harming them in any way. And this is EXACTLY what the Bible tells us to do, over and over again. God does NOT want his children associating with the children of the devil. We are obeying him. There are many, many scriptures that address this. If you don't know them, then you are the ignorant one who does not know God's Word, not us.

I feel everything from wonder and awe to disgust to shaking my head and laughing at this absurdity. Have you nothing to say to abusers and narcissists? Have you nothing to criticize child molesters or beaters about? Nothing for psychopaths who have spent years and decades deliberately making life hell for other people? It's easy for you to smile and overlook something that wasn't done to you or your child. You have no authority to forgive the sins of a psychopath who didn't do anything to you. Only the injured party can forgive, and that is between her and God~ it's none of your business. You have a big mouth when it comes to judging those who do have the courage to speak out against evil, but when it comes to speaking out against evil yourself, you slink off into a corner like a spineless jellyfish. If we don't present our thoughts in a way that pleases your majesty, then start your own page. Join us in standing up and confronting evil, and shaming it too (because that's one of the few strategies that works), or leave. Keep your cowardly and twisted opinion to yourself. What kind of a person preaches sympathy for the devil? Think about it. You are defending and facilitating evil, and WE'RE the "bad Christians?" You are revealing far more about yourself, your integrity, your morals, your character, and yes, your "Christianity" than you realize."
~Sister Renee Pittelli 

"There'd be no such thing as narcissistic abuse if it weren't for the enablers. These are the folks who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stop. They have the power to do so. All it takes is for one or two courageous souls to say "No, this is not okay."

But, for various reasons, enablers elect to remain "neutral."

The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades. Abusing someone isn't any fun if it's only a party of two. With a crowd, there's unlimited potential for drama. The narcissist can pull a lot more strings that way.

If it were just the abuser and her target, it wouldn't be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign. So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.

Targets — especially if this happens at work or in a social setting — watch as the people they thought were their friends slink away as the battle intensifies.

Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not." ~Author Unknown

"Since when is it good to be friendly with bad people? Since when is winking at their wrongdoing a virtue?

Perhaps someone can quote chapter and verse in the comments, because holier-than-thous really deserve to have their religion's true teachings show what frauds their twisting of religious doctrine makes them.

In the New Testament, in Revelations, I believe, in one of the letters to the churches, some holier-than-thou Christians are read the riot act for that very same pretense.

The author unloads both barrels at them with this truth: "Good people are not lukewarm toward evil" it says.

Cowards are.

Loving good is hating evil. And vice versa. Love is an attraction; hate a repulsion. But that is too simple for complex people to understand.

Now I am not saying that we must reject everyone not perfect, for then we would reject everyone, including ourselves. But decent people need no instruction. 

There is a point at which behavior becomes predatory and malicious - a point at which one is morally obligated to separate themselves from that person.

You thus take away a bad actor's safety in numbers. You show disapproval. You discourage others from behaving the same way. You comfort the victim by showing him or her that the pain caused them by the bad guy matters to you.

Is any of that evil?

It's just a way of discouraging the harm the bad guy is doing others by showing that you want nothing to do with someone who hurts others like that.

Where is the sin in that, pray tell? Sounds like fine, upstanding conduct to me.

Jesus spoke of this when he said that "indecent conduct" is a special case and justification for divorce even. At the time, the terms "indecent" or "lewd" conduct simply meant "lowdown" or "despicable" conduct of any sort.

And that statement of his, qualifying his disapproval of divorce, is just common sense.

Why? Let's say you are married to a Mafia boss. Is it right for you live in his big fancy house, being waited on by his hired staff? Is it right for you to PROFIT from the crimes he commits and ther damage he does to people?

To the contrary:

it is immoral for you not to divorce him when you find out what he is.


The same people who make a virtue of "accepting" abusive narcissists, relentlessly persecute anyone for any hint of racism or sexism. THAT they won't tolerate. They wouldn't DREAM of tolerating anything politically incorrect like that.

But though they know and believe that the narcissist has brutally abused you, they see no reason to show any disapproval of that.

Hmmm. Whom do they think they're fooling?

They make nothing of that narcissist's abuse of you. They countenance it.

If instead they rejected the narcissist, they would be doing the one small thing they could to get on the right side, the victim's side.

But they abandon the victim and smile in the abuser's face.

Not so holy as they pretend."

by Kathy Krajco.

"Rebuke, setting boundaries, and even enforcing consequences can all be acts of love, done in love.  We love our children, but we still set limits on their behavior, teach them right from wrong, disapprove when they hurt others, and teach them good manners, thoughtfulness, consideration and to treat others nicely.  We take the time to rebuke and teach them precisely because we DO love them.  We can do the same with our abusive relatives.  We can expect proper behavior from them, disapprove of causing pain for others, have boundaries, and refuse to be subjected to abuse or evil, and still love them.  The reason we try so hard to work things out is because we love them.  But do they love us enough to work things out?

          After we have confronted them and stated our boundaries, it is then their choice whether they will respect our limits or continue to abuse.  It is their choice whether the relationship will be able to continue, or will have to end.  Many abusers, when confronted with limits on their behavior, will choose to end the relationship rather than change, and will disown us.  This will cause us much sorrow, precisely because we do love and miss them.  It will take time before we will be able to heal and move on.

          There are also times when we will have no choice but to be the ones to walk away from a toxic relationship.  This is a very difficult decision, usually reached in desperation after many years of trying everything we could think of to make the relationship work, and reluctantly coming to realize that it takes two to tango, and our relative does not care about us enough to even try.  We spend most of our lives trying to change things precisely because we DO love our relative and want so much to have a nice relationship.  It is very painful to walk away from someone we love, but there are times we have no choice.

          Loving someone does not mean you have to have a relationship with them.  As we go through life, most of us at one time or another will have the experience of just not being able to be with someone we love, because we’re not good together, not good for each other, or they’re not right for us or healthy for us.  This could be an old boyfriend, a childhood school chum, or a family member.  As time passes, we come to accept this and know that it’s a part of life, and maybe even look back on our time with that person fondly while moving on with our own lives.   Loving someone does not mean staying in a toxic situation.  Sometimes you love someone but you still have to walk away.  You can love someone from a distance if that’s what it takes to be safe and healthy. 

          Abusers, of course, are going to accuse us of not loving them if we set limits on them, rebuke them, disown them, or even if they disown us.  This is due to many reasons, including manipulation, yet another attempt to control us, or their trademark denial and refusal to be accountable for their own behavior and to blame us or everyone else for the consequences of their own actions.  They are looking at it from a warped perspective and we should not take their accusations of unlovingness on our parts seriously.  The ones who are unloving in the relationship are THEM, not us.

          Love doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be abused, exploited, mistreated, and victimized.  It doesn’t mean letting the person you love do anything they want, no matter how wrong or evil, without ever stopping them. You do not owe the people you love a lifetime of being allowed to walk all over you.  If they refuse to treat you with love, then you can still love them as a part of your past, while understanding and accepting that, for reasons not in your control, they cannot be a part of your present, and will not be a part of your future.  You will mourn and grieve this loss, as you would the loss of anyone you love.  And then you will begin to heal and move on to a better life." 
~Sister Renee Pittelli. 

"Christians...listen up. All the platitudes and bromides you've been weaned on do not apply to narcissists. Quit coddling, excusing, justifying and enabling evil to thrive. Your well-intentioned desire to "save" the narcissist is back-firing. You are supporting evil when you don't hold evil people accountable for their behavior.

Christians, of all people, should be the last ones who excuse or support evil people, yet, somehow, they do it everyday thinking themselves to be good Christians by giving a pass to out right evil behaviors just so they look like "nice" people. Turn on your brains andthink. Stop acting how you think you should act in order to impress all your friends with your great Christian heart. Sometimes the right thing to do isn't necessarily the "nice" thing. The Gospel of Nice is not the Gospel of Christ. You are morally weak if you are giving a pass to evil narcissists. Period. Yes, even if that narcissist is your parent.

As I've stated in recent posts, when you decide to stop feeding the narcissist, when you quit playing by their rules, you have declared war. The narcissist is in this war to maintain what they value most...power over you. You are in the war to eradicate evil from your sphere of influence.

This is serious business. No one enters war lightly. Count the costs before you engage; once engaged, do not settle for less than victory.

"It is no small thing to let your goodness be exploited, used, and manipulated by predatory narcissists. Your good qualities are only good if they support good. All too often people fall for the notion that their eternal patience and determined belief in the good of all people will cause others to rise to the occasion. The narcissist willnever rise to this occasion in the way you hope. They will only see opportunity for protective coloration by standing very close to you and letting your goodness hide their badness."

It is imperative for you, your family, and your social circle that you engage your rational powers and start discerning between good and evil. Discernment = judgment. Not a bad word. I have said before that "nice people suck". In this context, of how "nice" people often let themselves be used by evil people, I am speaking. There is a time for everything. Always being "nice" is a sign that you do not understand there is a time to not be "nice". There is a time to judge. A time to take an unpopular stand. A time to hold evil-doers to account no matter the cost to you. A time to protect the innocent and abused from those who have very successfully hidden their malignancy heretofore. A time for war.

The only time we should engage with evil is to defeat it." 
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/06/best-of-posts-on-narcissists-suck.html?m=1..