I have every reason to hate men since my bio dad was nothing more than a sperm donor the night my mother fucked him while married to my siblings father, and my step father was a Malignant Narcissist exhibitionist who made my childhood a living hell on earth. But I don’t hate men.. in fact I love men and struggle with loving women. I find enablers of abuse much more vile than the abusers themselves. My mother allowed all 4 of her children to be sexually, physically, and mentally abused by the men in her life and when I called her out for it I became the enemy of not only her but my siblings as well. Maybe that’s why I’m for the underdog, those without a voice, and the villain in all superhero movies? It seems the villain is the way they are for a reason. They are acting out because of what was done to them. It’s not an excuse but a reason. An explanation. And until they shed light on lies and their abuse they will continue to hurt and destroy others. Then there are those spineless cowards who enable the abusers vile behaviors because they’re too afraid to upset their own lives. I think of Dottie Sandusky . The evil bitch who defended her husband and vilified his victims for speaking out.
My step father was given up to live with his grandparents by his own mother while keeping his younger brother. Abandonment and rejection by ones own mother is severe abuse that will leave lasting scars. It’s no wonder my step father was a serial adulterer and womanizer constantly seeking the attentions and approval of women while cheating on my mother. To the outside world he was charming smart funny and successful. But behind closed doors to his own family he was a hateful monster. All the characteristics of a Malignant Narcissist. Since I've cut ties with him, my mother, and my siblings who stand by his side, I’m able to see things clearly. Although I detest him as a person, I also pity him. What his mother did to him doesn’t excuse his behaviors but it’s the reason he is so fucked up. Up until the death of his mother he still adored and respected her, hoping to get the love and affection he craved but never got. If only he confronted her and expressed his pain and anger maybe he would have taken the road of recovery and self reflection. But instead he denied it and let it eat him up inside. Malignant Narcissists loath themselves which is why they do what they do.
I hate his mother for the bitch that she was and the monster she created but a part of me feels sorry for the monster who made me the broken person that I am. It takes a lot of courage to shed light on those who abused you but it’s the only road to recovery and because I no longer have my mother or siblings in my life I was able to heal not only from alcohol and drug abuse but give a voice to my inner child and learn to love myself. I find strength and healing in giving others, especially MEN a voice. What’s done to children they will do to society. Denial is a dangerous thing and although the mind may forget the body never does which is why PTSD is very real. Society needs to realize women aren’t the only victims of abuse and they can be just as perverted evil and abusive as men if not more so.
