I think society's obsession with "honor thy mother and father" is just as harmful to humanity as the "forgive and forget" psycho-babble. I think it’s the cause for so much unnecessary guilt, self hate, mental and physical illness. It also gives a green light for abuse to flourish.
People have no problem speaking out against abusive perverts but when it’s a parent, a mother especially, then it’s taboo. Even therapists fall for this harmful obsession. It wasn’t until I was given permission by a therapist to SAY that my parents were monsters, and I wanted NOTHING to do with them, that I began to heal. Christianity kept me stuck. I was rushed into the forgiveness mode. I was told I must honor and love my parents. So I said it until I thought I felt it but really I was faking it because deep down, once I accepted the truth and confronted my parents with it, I was livid. I was scared, hurt, angry, sad, and the last thing I wanted to feel was love and forgiveness.
My writings were dark and hateful, all matching up with the Bible of course. The angry jealous possessive god of war who was going to come down and destroy all of my enemies. He would bring recompense and justice. So I stuffed down my hatred, anger and pain knowing in time wrath would come. If my other human emotions came up I was told it was of the Devil and not of god. No wonder so many christians are riddled with guilt and self hate!
Since I’ve left the tribal bible cult, I have learned to take off the mask and acknowledge ALL of my emotions. Not just the "good ones", but sadness, anger, wonder, despair, fear, and hatred. I don’t think it’s wrong to hate certain people for the things they do. It’s called being human. It’s when we act on that hate and get enjoyment out of hurting others that it’s a problem.
Studies have shown that people who deny themselves their true feelings, tend to act out in forms of rape, murder, or self harm. Could it be that they’re afraid of breaking the commandment Thy Shall Honor Thy Parent? Even those parents who sexually abused them? Beat them? Tried to kill them? Humiliated them? Instead of being able to express their anger or hatred towards their own mother/father they had to release it onto others. (society is obsessed with the idea of all moms being loving and tender. In all of the memoirs I've read most of the time it was the mother who was the molester/abuser)
Ever see the Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho? I don’t believe people are born evil like I used to in my christian cult days. I think our childhood from the second we’re born determines who we become. Some people have lived through hell as children and grow up to be empathetic loving people. Others become Narcopaths. I could be wrong but I believe those who don't allow themselves to feel ALL human emotions, are the ones who turn into psychopaths and serial killers. And I believe the cultural brainwashing tactic of honor thy mother and father is the main reason for their denial and fear of feeling.
Children with loving parents will love their parents. They don’t need a commandment demanding them to. And no abusive monster deserves honor or love unless they stop abusing. Even if that abuser is a mother. It’s time we stop making victims feel guilty for exposing and shunning an abusive parent and do away with the bible standards of living and this antihuman bullshit psychobabble.
