In order for me to stay sober I had to cut ties with my birth family. I just recently reconciled with them after 8 years of no contact, and it has only confirmed that what I did was right. I have evolved a lot over those 8 years, and they have not. I look at my life now, what I have and who I’ve become, and I know without a doubt that none of it would be possible had I kept my relationship with them. Many people think just because they’re “family” they somehow have a right to abuse you and you just have to deal with it. This is a recipe for disaster for staying sober and will prevent you from ever getting to a healthy place within yourself.
If your family can’t respect your boundaries, then they do not deserve a place in your life. If you want to remain sober you must believe this without guilt or regret. Of course it won’t be easy but trust me it’s a guarantee for your success towards a lifetime of sobriety.
Examples of boundaries: you want nothing to do with your sexual abusive family member (not even a mention of their name) If your family can’t respect this boundary, you must go no contact. Another boundary example: they can no longer deny family traumas/abuse that caused you to turn to addiction. If they keep making excuses or worse yet, call you a liar, you must go no contact. Your peace and health and happiness are priceless. It will be worth any pain this will cause you or your toxic family members. I don’t agree with “blood is thicker than water.” I believe family can be people who are unrelated to you. Family will respect you, they will validate your abuse, they will not defend your abuser or make excuses for them. They will protect you. And they will respect your boundaries and abide by them without a fuss. Once you feel safe from people who have done nothing but cause you harm and turmoil, then your chances of recovery increase ten fold and you will start to heal those wounds that are rooted within your addiction. I’m living proof of that and seeing my birth family after 8 years of absence makes everything so much more clear. All I want is the same for others. (This does not mean you are being unloving and unforgiving. Forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation, and in order to love others you must first love yourself. That is the greatest gift of love you can give others
