How To Heal And Re-parent Your Inner Child
Your Inner Child is the echo of the child you once were. We each have our own history and we have all been influenced by our environment, events and the significant people around us. Our inner child has stored those memories, and their impact upon us.
I want to heartily encourage you to re-parent yourself and your inner child by lovingly caring for her and by doing these things as often as you can (these apply to both boys and girls)...
- Remind yourself how special and wonderful you were as a child
- Have a safe place that you can bring to mind where you and your inner child can meet and play together
- When you speak kindly to your inner child each day, have a loving and soothing inner voice – one that is supportive, soft, nurturing, patient and comforting
- Tell her/him she is now loved, valued, and appreciated by you
- Be sure to tell your inner little girl that shedoesn't have to prove herself to anyone
- She has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. None of what happened to her was ever her fault. She didn't deserve to be treated badly.
- She was just in the wrong place and had no means of escape – but she is now free at last!
- There is nothing wrong with her/him.Tell them how proud you are of them
- She needs to feel respected. Don't tolerate disrespect ever again
- Tell her that you will be her guardian, champion and protector from now on. Things will be OK and you will never let her come to any more harm
- She need never again fear being alone because you are always there for her now
- Apologise for not being aware of her pain and needs in the past, and of pushing her too hard sometimes to try and impress others
- Assure her that you will only allow safe, trustworthy and respectful people into your/her world now. Notice loving mothers who are caring for their babies and absorb that loving energy between a mother and child
- Reassure her that you will be alongside her either to speak up on her behalf, or to support her when she speaks up
- Agree upon a symbol of her freedom...something for her to summon up whenever she feels the need to escape and be alone with her thoughts. This might be (as some of my own clients have imagined) a ladder, a floating bubble, a sci-fi teleporter, a hot air balloon...anything that comes to mind that you/she can associate with release and freedom
- Regularly ask her how she's feeling and what she wants. Imagine sitting alongside that little girl, putting your arm around her shoulders and gently pulling her close to your heart.
- She has a home in your heart that she will never have to leave. She is safe with you now
- If she wants to cry let her cry, and be there as her new mother to wipe her tears and soothe her pain or fear. Accept all her feelings and don't react negatively to what comes up. Be patient with her
- Remember that healing happens in different ways and time-frames. Promise to do your best to bring her the joy that has been missing from her life – and this will be profoundly healing for you both.
- Show respect to your body - the home of your inner child. Keep it clean and toxin free. Keep it safe and happy... like a good caring home should be
- Think of her emotional healing as being like the physical healing of a wound – one step at a time. Keep the wound free of further contamination. Avoid toxic people and environments. Don't ever let her swallow any more poison – particularly if you still keep in touch with toxic/unhealed family members
- Get back those things that brought you joy as a child – no matter how fleeting. Be sure to make a big thing of her birthdays and Christmas, holidays and achievements
- Set up creative activities for your playful inner child to enjoy! Bouncing, dancing, crafts, finger painting and anything else that takes her fancy. Drawing – from the right brain – is a great way to express your inner child's feelings. Allow doodling and unstructured drawing and see what emerges when you're in the 'zone' of childlike creativity. Don't judge her efforts... just as you wouldn't judge a child bringing her art work home from school to show you. Be proud and show it!
- Sing songs from childhood (whether you could sing well back then or not). Release any shame dumped on you for your singing ability - and instead enjoy stretching your vocal chords and making your own sounds that come from your heart and reach out into the world
- Encourage her to loosen up and allow physical and emotional intimacy (this will enhance your own sexual intimacy too). She must feel safe and unconditionally accepted to be able to do this. Show her that she can trust her own instincts and be guided by her own 'antennae' as to who is safe. She may doubt her ability based upon her mistakes in the past. You are healing now and as you grow in love for yourself and your life you won't want or allow anyone close to your inner child if they don't align with that self love and a conscious caring relationship
- Whenever you have to leave your deliberate connection with her, always imagine placing her back inside the warmth and safety of your loving heart.
Please remember that your inner child is a real part of your sub-conscious mind – a wounded child who needs your love, care and compassion...because no-one else can heal her pain and help her to make peace with the past.
