THE CRONE

” Only a few groups – blacks, Native Americans, Asians – Honor old women."

"The old woman was once revered, when people revered the Great Mother, when they saw the beauty of birth, death and rebirth, the power of transformation. Now, we sit around and pretend we don't get old and don't die. We feel the shift happening, and we dig our heels in and pretend we can't be touched.

As I've aged, I've felt invisibility creep in. The older I get, the more invisible I become, in a culture where youth and external beauty reign. All the while, I've become more beautiful to myself, because I am embracing and honoring the wisdom that my life experiences have brought, and the kindness, compassion and tenderness that grief and loss have engendered. It takes a certain amount of awareness and effort to keep coming back to what is real, what is true. It isn't easy at all. Yet, there comes a time when no other way is palatable. I can feel the energy of the crone. I feel her power. I feel her fierce love.

It's not that I don't have moments of grief and sadness around aging. Some of those moments come when I get caught up in the never-ending bombardment of the advertising blitz. I notice my body growing a little stiffer, I am aware of the years passing, and I know death is always a breath away. But so is life. Life is always a breath away.

Women's power in the patriarchy is youth, physical beauty, a sexy, toned body, the ability to become more like a man than a woman, so how we act and what we do will move us up the ladder of what this culture deems is successful.

But in an entirely different way, we women are powerful beings, especially as we age. Not powerful in the patriarchal paradigm, but powerful in the sense that we are more authentic, more real, more truthful and more beautiful. And powerful as the crone, the wise woman, the woman who embodies crone energy. The crone is the woman who no longer sees herself only in relation to others, but as a woman unto herself, a woman who stands alone in the center of her own beingness, in the center of her own truth, and from this center relates to the people in her life from what is real for her.

The patriarchy fears the crone. She is truthful, she is powerfully creative, she is intuitive and instinctual, and she loves fiercely. The patriarchy does everything it can to deny this, even to denigrate this and the women who embody it, because old women are wise women are powerful women. They have gifts to share, gifts that this world desperately needs.” https://www.google.com/…/old-woman-wise-woman-powe_b_79…/amp

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Happy Fathers Day to my father, the man who made me who I am today. It’s because of him that I never had a father growing up and we all know how being fatherless effects children and the adults they become. I don’t believe people ever heal from that painful void 100%, but it’s not what happens to us that makes us who we are, it’s what we do with it. I made sure my children had a daddy who was always there for them and still is as adults. So just what makes a good father?  Here’s a link to show what does, https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Father and the most important thing to a child is your presence. Being there for them, that’s all they really need and want from their dad!

My father failed miserably at that very important task. He failed not just me but 8 other kids besides me. He had 2 separate families, one on the West Coast and one on the East Coast. He was quite the ladies man I guess some would say, but he was a lousy father and a very selfish man who I suppose had his own demons from his own past that he never really resolved. He didn’t grow from his wounds like I did, and although I’m certainly not the perfect parent, I am a warrior and my own hero for becoming who I am today despite the odds of growing up a fatherless child.  Especially when the father figure in the house who replaced dad is a perverted psychopath. The statistics https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/ are scary for people like myself. Yes, I am a hero.

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you

~Mariah Carey Hero Lyrics

I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE!!!

"If I asked my grandmother if her late husband was her best friend, her provider, her lover, and her partner in parenting and life—her go-to guy for emotional fulfillment, practical help, AND the center of her social universe—she would have laughed uproariously.

She did love her hubby until the day he died and still misses him so much she weeps talking about him, more than 30 years after his death. But my Opa wasn't her best friend (her girlfriend Beulah was). She didn't rely on him for help raising the kids or with the housework (times have changed!), nor did she expect him to understand her feelings. She relied on herself for happiness and fulfillment-and truthfully, she didn't have high expectations there, either.

But she'd tell you she had a wonderful marriage. When I asked her if she had had a happy life (she's now 104 years old), she giggled at the absurdity of the question. Clearly she has.

And yet, like most of my peers, I would not sign up for her life—or, in particular, her marriage. Today, we expect our spouses to be our partners in just about every realm. We expect them to be our co-parents, our household running mates, and to help provide for our family financially. We'd think there was something wrong if they didn't consider us their soul mate, their go-to buddy, and their lover.

Like individuals, couples are increasingly isolated from the outside sources of support that previous generations had, and so our partners have become our primary sources of emotional (and for some, spiritual) fulfillment. When we aren't happy, it is easy—and quite common—for our generation to blame our spouse for it.

There is an expectations paradox here: The demands put on our relationships have become so great-and our expectations of them have gotten so high-that we are more likely to be disappointed when we don't get what we want from our partners than we are to feel grateful when we do.

My grandmother expected very little from her husband—only that he provide her with financial stability, and that he be faithful to her. My grandfather delivered on these things, and as an added bonus, shared with her a love of dancing, a social life full of mutual friends and dinner parties, and a muted joy in raising children and grandchildren.

My grandmother was content not so much because of what she had in her husband, but because of what she lacked in her expectations. This is both ironic and instructive for our generation.

Consider the study where Duke professor Dan Ariely, author of the book Predictably Irrational, had research subjects try two different types of beer. One was Budweiser; the other was Budweiser with balsamic vinegar added to it.

The majority of subjects vastly preferred the Bud and vinegar concoction-when they weren't told what it was. When they were informed before they tasted it, they hated it.

Ariely's conclusion is that when people believe that something might be distasteful, they'll experience it negatively, even if they would have liked it otherwise. The reverse is also true.

In other words: Our expectations hugely influence our perceptions, and therefore our decisions, our experiences, our judgments, and ultimately, how we feel.

"Help! I hate my husband!"  a reader recently wrote to Iris Krasnow, author of The Secret Lives of Wives . Krasnow's reader, Cindy from Dallas, emails her that "[this] hate I feel, it simmers and I wonder if it's a sign that there could be a better partner out there for me. Little things grate on me every day. My husband chews his food loudly. I hate his father. I hate our domestic hum-drum. This can't be love!"

Krasnow clarifies that this hated husband is not a philanderer or dead-beat dad. He is not a compulsive gambler, nor is he physically or verbally abusive. He is a warm, hands-on father who makes a good living. Cindy from Dallas clarifies: "My hate comes from this feeling that I'm missing out on something else."

Ah-ha. We Americans are born and bred to expect, well, everything. The American Dream-which, from a happiness habit standpoint, is a bit more of an American Nightmare-teaches us to always be striving. We can always have it better than our parents' generation, if only we work hard enough.

More than that, we are entitled to more, and better. We expect that we should have unlimited choice when it comes to shoes, housing, cars, types of jam at the grocery store ... and spouses.

 Barry Schwartz's research shows that this expectation of unlimited choice hurts our happiness for two reasons. First, more choices don't actually make us happier-they just make us long for what we give up. The more choices we have, the more likely we are to feel unhappy with the choice that we do make, because we see all that we could have had in the other choices.

And second, if we're constantly gazing over our partner's shoulder for the next best thing, we won't be gazing into his or her eyes.  Feeling gratitude for our partners is key to a successful relationship. But we're unlikely to feel grateful for what we have when we feel entitled to something better, something more. We cannot feel truly committed to someone if we also feel that there might be someone else out there for us.

The abundance of choice in our society-and the advertising and media culture that (quite effectively) makes us feel that we won't be complete until we acquire that next great thing-is taking its toll on our relationships."https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-happiness/201203/hate-your-husband-or-your-wife

I'VE LEARNED THAT...

Words of wisdom:  I've learned that ......

"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe." Omer Washington

THIS OLD HOUSE

Since a kid I’ve always adored old houses, even abandoned broken down ones. It seems they all tell a story of the past when they were once full of life and love. Maybe because I lived in a beautiful old 1700’s house for a couple years before my parents divorced splitting up our family and us siblings but whatever the reason, I’ve always dreamed of living in one again. Growing up in a brick rambler subdivision and raising our 3 kids in the same neighborhood I grew up in, never changed my yearning and love for old farmhouses. Maybe that’s why I’m so obsessed with our new home and it’s old broken down outbuildings. My daughters hate the properties historic Outhouse and Smokehouse and often talk of tearing them down, but I love them! Even though they’re old they’re still strong, never leak, and are built better than anything in today’s mass production world! I can’t help but think back to the time when this house was young and all it’ s outbuildings a necessity instead of a burden needing demolishing. I believe houses have a story to tell, just as trees do, and there aren’t many around anymore to tell it! My home is more than a place I live, it’s a part of who I am and I feel like it was just waiting for the perfect time for my family to move in. We just fit it so well! Our furniture even fits perfectly with the era of the home. Yes, I furnished our 1960’s brick rambler with antiques LOL! I have found my final resting place right here on this little old farmhouse, and there’s even a cemetery on our road in which our family will be buried. The name of our road means “God helped us.” I’m not a Christian but if I did believe in a god I would think he brought us here to save us from that horrible 1960’s brick rambler neighborhood, and I would praise him mightily!

Our old springhouse turned into a tool shed

 Our old smokehouse provides weatherproof storage for our junk!

The outhouse is a perfect place for Steve's garden supplies

                                             The house we lived in before the divorce. 

My mother couldn't keep clothes on me and I was often found running free with my brothers English Setter and stick in hand! The property came with old broken down barns that I remember playing in.