Growth requires change and sometimes the process doesn’t look so pretty. Growth is often painful but the outcome is usually worth the pain. I look back at myself when I was in my 20’s and I see a completely different person than I am now. I was extremely insecure, jealous, and uncomfortable in my own skin. And I was an alcoholic. I’m not the same person I was when I met my husband at 19. That’s interesting because if my husband loved who I was at 19 and married a completely different version of me is it possible that he could still love me for who I am today at 47? I believe true love wants the best for the other person and growth is a good thing! If we’re not changing we’re not growing. True love should embrace the other persons growing pains. They should encourage growth and accept that they are unique individuals with different passions tastes desires goals and dreams. They shouldn't try to clip the others wings or fit them into their mold of normal. Those who don’t guide and support each other during these necessary life changes often grow apart or seek another.
The day I made the decision to become sober and leave my toxic birth family I found comfort and validation in a Christian support group for daughters of Narcissistic mothers. So of course I clung to religion as my crutch to get me through that painful time of growth! If I stayed in my comfort zone of alcoholism and my dysfunctional family role I wouldn’t have grown. I would have lived a lifetime in stagnation. Cutting ties with a dysfunctional birth family is worse than a divorce and one of the bravest most painful things a person can go through. Looking back now I’m amazed and proud of myself for being able to do it! I didn’t rely on AA meetings to quit drinking I relied on myself. It wasn’t god giving me the strength and wisdom to walk away, it was me. I had to delve into religion to find out it is flawed and fraudulent, and even though I have regrets for hurting my husband and children during that time, it was a time of much needed growth and I learned a great deal about myself, religion, politics, and our country. Things that most people don’t know or even care to talk about.
I’m now at a time in my life where I no longer find comfort or belonging amongst people as much as I do alone in nature and amongst animals. I have no idea what kind of growth is coming my way, but I’m excited to venture in and find out! I don’t ever want to stop growing. I also want my children to grow and will offer support and encouragement through their own unique journey. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
